Wrecked Glyder: A Short Story

The air is so dry, and I am running out of water. I have to trek this whole thing on my own, its a good things that I have my electric fan with me and the fact that most things are either charged by solar power or a battery that never hardly depletes, but all of that doesn’t matter in scientific advancement if I don’t have any freaking water to drink. Why wouldn’t they make something that could pull water from the air so that we can all survive. well probably because that is also finite, this whole thing used to be filled with water but now all I have to do is walk, ugh how primitive.

The Roamer was shot out of the sky from his glyder, a mid size ship that would be perfectly fit but he decided to get close to the sands just to see the patters and see if he could scope out any - another persons trash is another's treasures - He knew that would be risky and right he was, he hates that his intuition is accurate much of the time and feels that he should trust it more.

Fuck why is it so dry! and now I have to walk to find this stupid hover board, the freaking defense systems can’t even tell the difference of a citizens glyder and a gliding beast.

As he was crashing down and activating the emergency landing protocols, most of his things fell out of the hatch as it bumped on the ground, his hover board that is also solar powered that would get him back to the compound in one full day rather than 30 mins by air was thrown off somewhere along the crash course. He backtracks the course and with the fan mode activated on his personal comm device, he sent out a signal for distress and there is someone on their way to the crash site but he is determined on getting his board back. One thing about him he is persistent, hence why he wanted to get a close look in general, couldn’t leave well enough alone. He voices something to his comm device. See if we are in range to start tracking the board.

This image was created via DALL-E Mini from Craiyon.com

The device beeps, and then beeps again to remind him that it is time to feed is virtual pet. “At least he loves me, all code and unconditional” he says. There is finally a signal that is being picked up after a long 20 mins in the heat and dry air. He can’t help but wonder about the time before the drought and what it must have been like to hustle all that time, no time to even think about the irreversible damage humans were causing to the planet as they were to busy trying to make the system work for them, hustle-hangry the historians called the people of the 21st century. As he finished his final distance to the board, he is reminded of the stories he would read, well listen to via audio and literary webpages, about the physical effort that humans needed to do just to find themselves unfulfilled and taken advantage of bigger systems that became too powerful and by the time you reached the age of wisdom your social capitol was gone. He gets to his board, and sighs, both to express gratitude that humans are no longer in that societal circumstance and disappointment because where they are now could be said to be worse; because all the resources are basically gone. But hey no heavy oversight anymore. “was it simpler then, or simpler now?” he mumbles to himself in response to his thoughts as he attempts to swipe the sand from the hover board. His comm device beeps, communication coming in, the defense system management is at the Roamer-glyder and need finger print authorization to start repairs. “Fuck!” he yells out loud. He voices back, “be there in about 5 mins” he gets on the board and stats to ride.

TrAGic: A short story

Spell casting has changed so much since the days of yore. It is a combination of tech and magic, TrAGic is the name of this system of magic. Technical Craft Magic, is the full name of this. You just need a device that you want to keep your spells and charms on and these are pretty much traded like an old card game, the regular ones not the prescient ones. Although those also exist on your TrAGic devices as well. And yea the irony is very much obvious with the naming but one could say that life would be tragic without it? And the other side one would say it’s tragic we can’t live without it, and that so many wars and humans taking advantage of others is also why it’s called tragic. Honestly it’s just humans using another tool, think chimpanzees that use a stick to eat the ants from a tree. It’s simply a means to an end and to what end we can never truly know what another person is thinking. Although I think there is a spell for that? You’re interested, same; I like that TrAGic is something I can perform and use to get things done.

First rule: TrAGic is only a means to an end.

For example if you don’t know the history of something you can’t just use a TrAGic charm or spell to learn it all in an instant, that’s what the interwebs is for, duh. BUT you’re TrAGic device can use the internet so there is that. What does a means to an end mean then? It takes the physical labor out of things…sometimes. An example to the first rule; Say I wanted to wash clothes and fold them and put them away. I would first need my TrAGic device to know the steps, and the only way I know them is by researching and doing it myself first. It can be a step by step process or a sequence of steps. So if it’s the same place and area and relatively same amount of clothes and I know where things are, then I can use my device to charm my clothes to take themselves to the washing machine and the soap will move on it’s own and it will move to the dryer, etc etc. But say that I am at a different place like visiting or staying at an air bnb, and I need to wash some clothes. I have individual steps of the charm sequences saved on my device. I can’t just use the same sequence I don’t know the paths of this new place or where things are, but I can do the steps individually. I use the charm for lift and move and the clothes lift and move. But I have to close the laundry machine door manually, ugh I know but TrAGic is only a means to an end.

Second rule: TrAGic devices should not be used to harm another.

You would think that this would be the first and most important, but magical as they may be. Some people think that the name of TrAGic is a VERY fitting name. Our devices contain all kinds of harmful magic, words cause emotional pain when sent to another person, think about cyber bullying during the age of social media. It can create other TrAGic devices that the only spells are to cause physical pain or even death, those are so simple that you don’t even need to say something out loud or input the incantation or anything, just push a button or pull a trigger and point and the harm is done. This is the oldest form of the magics. But being as we are humans, its still practiced and as humans we have to acknowledge the risk of magic.

Rule three: TrAGic in this physical realm is alchemical. OR matter cannot be created without the needed material. OR energy is neither created or destroyed.

How do you send charms and then spell something to move on it’s own. Well that’s easy there is wind, gravity, fire, water, time, electricity, physical strength, mental strength or intelligence, etc, something must be given to get something back. There are of course exceptions. It’s why we still have other modern technologies, like washing machines, see rule two. And what happens to the life energy of the person who is harmed? The person who casts harmful spells doesn’t gain anything back right? Some say wrong, a sense of power, feeling in control. Some say nothing at all and some say the get sadness trade their humanity. TrAGIc is only a tool, see rule one and we live on Earth a physical realm and in the physical realm there is a qui pro quo of conditions.

Now all of this sounds pretty black and white but why develop magic to be so modern it when it takes awa, dare I say it, magic of it all? TrAGic devices have a special feature that some would say make the extraordinary, visible; make the mysticism, material. How? if we have rule three you might ask. Well my friends let me introduce to you the sub system TrAGiX: Technical Craft Magic Across Realms.The X means cross like crossing.

So we are in the physical realm I mean duh we’re humans but some humans for a long time prior to this development could reach beyond this physical realm and use energy of that realm to control things in this realm. For example prediction, that reaches across the realm of time and uses time energy to predict, the thing with predictions there is always possibility for change and nothing is certain unless we’re reaching in the past (the rules of realm of time state that we cannot change the past), prediction from another realm in this case future, comes at a price, rule three, it’s just a possibility not a certainty. Tarot is reaching to spirit guides for guidance and at times they are not all knowing, the fee is belief and the commodity information, but even data still need to be interpreted. Alright maybe Chrono and predictive TrAGiX isn't the best example. But that is what it was like in the older days. There was always people that were more adept at magic than others, TrAGic just makes it for everyone.

Another example of TrAGiX is when the production of magic seems greater than its needed material and/or elements, or seemingly out of thin air, you know “just like magic.” Again, this is just like magic in the days of yore, and we have the study of magic and tech to thank for this conclusion. In the older days of magic pre-tech the use of incantations, hand movements, affinity, faith, belief, culture, objects, bloodline, heck even wealth, would allow the access to across realm magic, that was seen as just magic out of thin air. With TrAGiX it is accessible to everyone, there are some forms that still require a combination of the old ways and the tech, and if the powers at be, the realms themselves deem you competent you can perform them. So doesn’t matter if you think another person is “evil” it really dependent on weather you are able to do it. Some cultures still keep their practices from the days of yore really private and exclusive. It has become the new form of elitism and prejudice. So what about today? well this is all to say that you can’t just search the web for powerful and potent forms of TrAGiX, you need to know them, practice them, sometimes be part of the groups, know the gestures and words too, believe it, inherit it, at times even have the objects to access across realm magic, heck even wealth will get it for you.

I know this is confusing and when we think about countries using TrAGiX during war time, one starts to question who really is following the rules and how and why were these rules even made. But people do little to question them it makes their life easier it’s an overt way for people to permissively act in ways that might harm another be it physically or mentally. But I point you to rule three, just because this world is more magical and we can say we start off with more even footing. The trade off is this; what we we thought would create equity just perpetuated much of the same. So I ask you what does that say about humans?

Space privileged: A short Story

The holographic monitor started to beep, in warning of a detour on their trajectory, due to some other spaceships debris. It wasn’t loud or blaring like it was five years ago when there was an immanent attack or potential run in with a space pirate. It was just a couple of beeps in succession that needed pilot approval.

Unfortunately the pilot was in the kitchen area deciding what to eat, there was chicken bake shake and spam masubi shake. The ship came to a slow halt on the trajectory. But the pilot couldn’t be bothered this was an important decision that needed to be made; what was his pallet in the mood for this time. The holo-screen on the shake dispenser was wide and see through and as he picked his meal, it was the spam masubi flavored one. It dispensed in a metal cup and straw. He picked up the drink-meal and started to consume it. He lousily walked over the haul of the space ship and sat down in from of a huge wide window where he could see the gigantic amount of debris that was blocking the way. No wonder the ship didn’t just self approve the detour, it needed to be manual. Good thing it stopped where it did, at times the computer system on board can be a bit finicky. He typed a few commands and pushed a few buttons to engage the manual pilot mode he sat back down in a chair in the middle and from the dashboard of the space ship a flat section slid open and a w shaped wheel on a game like joy stick came out. He pulled back and the ship moved slightly backward. This needed to be with care a precession, and harder and it would have jolted to far. He placed his drink-meal into a near by cup holder and used two hands to steer the space ship to the right and going up over the debris and then over it. Navigating over the debris it could be seen that this was another consequence of a battle that happened here, it could not be said how long ago but most likely due to the war of the galaxies as the closets planet was Midra and was a key contender in this battle. There was so much debris in this section of space; a good chunk of time that was used to navigate it all.

When out of sector of floating remnants of an uncivilized society throwing a tantrum. The auto-navigation was enable and the drink-meal was grabbed again to enjoy. The pilot leaned back in the chair, turned his left wrist over and flicked his middle finger with his thumb to bring up a small floating screen to interact with, cued up a saved playlist of lo-fi and searched the inter-galact-net for a a bit as the space ship continued its course to Quartos, the vacation planet.

A different kind of glamping: a short story

He woke up in his tent that is much bigger from the inside than it is on the outside, because while it is out doors it still has all the comforts of a small tiny home. The sink that is wooden and modern and has a nozzle that is a the shape of a thick twig and leaves for the faucet handles that is unnecessary because as he approaches it it turns on by itself. The water flows, he summons his skin care as it floats over, he wonders why the process is not as calming as some make it to be, its a bottle shaped like a leaf that floats and spurts some cream on hand and suds when mixed with liquid. He wipes his face with a cloth that hangs from a towel rack again made from the same wood that makes the sink just standing on its own and has twigs for hangers.

Turning to the stove which isn't that far being that its still a tent al be it magically bigger, and with a wave of his hand moves the kettle over a small bonfire and snaps his fingers and makes the small ember burn brighter to heat of the water that automatically fills the kettle . He pondered how the things never caught fire being that most of the aesthetic was woodsy cottage core, then he remembers that there is isn't enough coffee grounds and needs to make some more. He looks to the right a slender wooden shelving unit and walks to it briskly, he could just conjure some more coffee beans but that wasn't as mindful as he wanted to be this morning. Of course he thought can’t enjoy peace without some bumps in the road. As quickly as the thought came his cat pet his own leg reminding him that it is still morning and we all need to eat before moving again. He speaks to him calmly, Jahs its time to get some coffee, the cat turns into a humming bird and darts away fast. So much for mindful slow morning, however Jahs loves being able to fly, his favorite shapes are flights and things that allow to snuggle. He turns to another corner of the square space and sees the mirror and wooded armoire and opens to find his hooded sweater, big enough to allow some ventilation and magical enough to know how much heat to keep in there. He completes his look with a pair of black shorts and some high tops and long socks, after all they are exploring nature for today. He lowers the fire again with a snap and puts on his belt. Jahs is back with the coffee he mutters to himself and Jahs glides in as an owl, and odd choice to be in the morning he thinks, and remembers that it was probably night where he went and Jahs drops a small canvas bag with the coffee beans, Jahs changes back into a his favorite land form a grey cat and starts to eat his meal. It naturally just shows up in his wooden bowl near a corner. what a good pet he thinks to himself.

The water is hot enough to pour and he picks up the small canvas bag and moves his finger around the bottom outside in a circle around the circumference of the bag and he opens it again and sees its ground just right. He waves the chemex over from the shelves to a tall enough wooden table for one at the opposite corner of his bed and opposite of the small bon fire, its a good thing he prepared the filter the night before, he thanks his past self mentally for that one. He saves the rest to put into a small cylindrical container later on. He walks over to the kettle and the handle isn't hot, and he walks over to the table and starts to pour and watches the coffee bloom as they say when they first pour the water and while sitting slowly pours the rest of the hot water in and takes in the invigorating smell of coffee and just breathes for 5 mins. He doesn’t remember how the wooden cup showed up next to him but as he places the kettle down carefully on the table matt he pours the coffee in to the cup and gets ready to sip. He did this once just for the bitterness and then gets up and walks over to the sugar at the shelf and puts three scoops. Life's to short for always bitter coffee he says to himself speaking to Jahs outloud as well. He sits on his bed across the space just breathes again, taking in as many sips till he finishes it. Jahs jumps up and snuggles near him. We will need to move soon, look, and with a wave of his hand the tent slit open just enough so he can see the canyon they have camped over on the foresty cliff they are on and watches the sun hit the water at the river at the bottom and breathes in the brisk air that fills the tent.

Journaling? More like you're-nailing it!

You know, as I was looking at my blog posts and I was thinking about all the times I have actually used my blog as a journal, many apparently however I also have an actual analog journal. That place has some thoughts that will never see the light of the internet...the sewer of the internet?

Peep my staging of this hahaha

How ever you spin it, I feel that is part of my creative process (who am I kidding lol) and process for myself to get my thoughts out of my head and feel that it is manageable. Journaling is a completely personal relationships that we have with our own words and thoughts, it can be rough, creative, an escape, pretty, and it can be profoundly painful. What is that saying that the pen is mightier than the sword.

My journaling process as of late has been in response to some stressors in my life and getting those feelings validated by myself, and surprisingly it also has some space for some self affirmations, well at least when I try really hard to make that part of the process. It is also part of my actual bullet journal, and this is different than my morning pages blog post. Being part of my bullet journal means that it is always accessible for me to use and it also makes the guise of productivity exactly that, a guise, and them being together helps ground me.

A conversation within a quarrel

“I want to be free,
lets go and lets be—”
*Is love free?*

*How can I?*
“Why would I—,
I want this too”

Salute the sun

When it gets sunny I crave another way with connecting with my body, and I want that to be more of a meditative technique where I am leaving my thoughts at the door. It used to be running and then I got a knee injury and that had to change, and when I tried recently, Covid (wear your fucking mask btw) and knee injury aside, jogging was difficult as fuck! Not to say that yoga is any easier, however, yoga has been an idea that has entered mine yet again and I was wanting an addition or extension to my meditative practice. There are several types of yoga, and I am not going to list them here, but I do enjoy more of a flow or vinyasa yoga, where I am actively paying attention to my breathe going into a stretch or position. I tried yoga in my undergrad and tried again at the beginning of 2018, you know, goal setting and what not. I was met with some judgement, informed by the constructions of gender roles and such (yeah fuck those), and my own self criticism; not at all what a yoga practice should be. Honestly does someone do yoga and be like, hey I’m better at it then you are? If that is the case it’ll be a solo practice for me. 

*couch, cough* umm, social critique, disclaimer here. I want to note that yoga as a practice has been westernized and commercialized, and not to forgo its benefits I do want to critique and acknowledge that in our western society we really to take the sacredness of practices and ruin a lot of it. Just wanted to note that because while I want and intend to find the benefits of it, I don’t want to appropriate it too much to the point of clout; idk if I am using that term correctly lol.  In addition to that, western discourses have made it a kind of elitist, yoga studios cost an astronomical amount. I know people need to make a living but lets not make inaccessible. Another reason I have been hesitant to start yoga is because it can be kind of a sizest space, but that is most of any place in Southern California. *steps off box* 

When bending, stretching, and getting into pose that is attainable yet difficult; I was guided once to relate the pose as a difficult or rough time in my life. By paying attention to my breathe and remaking grounded in my body, as well as being kind to myself if I couldn’t hold or make the pose; that eventually with calm intention I would attain it, or I would go back to a pose that was more fitting  and comfortable, until I was ready to try again. While much of my practice I intend to keep my mind calm, it was such a cool thing to be able to work through some thoughts that were occupying some mental space. It was like performance of my anxiety and my hope of how I would want to attend to it. I am hoping that I am able to keep this up. 

Long-boarding

This past two weekend I have been long boarding, when I can that is. However let me start at the beginning. I have always wanted to learn to skateboard. When I was younger it wasn’t cool to try to learn if you didn’t already know and I would be called a poser for wanting to learn how to skateboard. I know the irony but that was growing up in the 90’s early 2000’s. When I turned 28 I told myself that I wanted to learn something that I have always to do. So I went to my friends amazon prime account (because no one actually pays for their own account, haha) looked up some boards and read the reviews, (and naturally took them for fact, because science). Then bought the one that was mid price and ready to go here - Long board. (If you use this link, and buy the long board it helps out the blog, and cost will be the same!, so ty!)

So I took it upon myself to learn, I asked a couple other friends that knew how for some tips and where to go. Went to a place with a huge parking lot to to learn and then about a few hours in I got it! Then went to the beach to try to do it, there were to many people there. Then to a known lake with paved roads that can be used for biking, skating, running, walking, etc. This past weekend, I did that again, my last few posts have been me dealing with some anxiety and nerves, so I know I needed some sun and the gym is not fun right now (I actually don’t understand the gym but that is another post entirely). Picked up my long board and went, skating, it was exciting! There are some hilly parts and I learned to go down them at semi-fast speeds, that feeling is so cool. I would ride for about a mile or so and then reach a bench and meditate over the lake, trying to process some thoughts and memories from before to the now and be present. Then I realized that long-boarding is also a form of mindfulness and meditation. 

Let me try to connect, to be mindful is to intentionally shift my focus to something that will help my mental energy later on. Also how I have explained in another post (insert link) mindfulness and meditation are ways to feel human. I suppose this is also about being intentional in our habits, even though I didn’t fully feel mindful about my long boarding till on the way back to my car. But wait there’s more; on the way back, my leg started to cramp, and I had the bright idea that I should probably grab my leg, that was on the board, on the board that was moving... moving at least 5-6mph then my weight shifted forward. My board went backward I hop forward off the board and then I do this weird run thing because I still have the momentum going. I couldn’t catch my footing; and while trying to protect my face, I fell hands first then knees, and for some reason one at a time, like a non-majestic gallop. Each being scraped on wonderful man made concrete and some gravel. Then got over (more like rolled over) and yelled an “oww!” laughed (out of embarrassment) got up and limped back to my car while dragging my board. Let me tell you, learning to long board at 28 is great, but falling down at 28 hurts a much, much more. I get to my car and I start yelling “ow!” Louder this time; because I needed to get out the frustration and pain. I cleaned off both of me knees as they were scratched, the palms of my hands were also scratched. Then I started to cry (side note: men should cry more often), it felt terrible, but this was actual physical pain, not like I needed to go to the ER pain but my body hurt and then all of a sudden, I cried. My mindful long-boarding connected to a painful memory.

This memory, this past, this sudden remembering, makes me feel like I feel off my long board. Just from a memory, a thought. And it hurts, it’s embarrassing. It made me think, when people are going through something or have been through something, that was awful, or melancholic or both. Their bodies, my body, goes through the motions of falling off a long-board that was loving. Emotional pain can manifest to physical pain.  (i.e. anxiety diagnosis can come with an IBS diagnosis; depression diagnosis some report physical head aches and hand hurting). So yeah, if I am being mindful, long-boarding can be meditative and present-ness forming, and if I am being intentional, this fall has helped me understand how we can help people. 

Let’s understand that when someone is going through something and time has passed, doesn’t mean the pain, is not real. It’s actually really, real. Our minds hold on to this, and sometimes we need help to get back up. Because if we don’t help each other get up, we will always feel like life’s is moving forward with out us. 

Intentionally doing nothing

My two most recent posts were of how my weeks have been going stress filled and feeling inadequate. While those feelings linger my intention for this post is the self care of doing nothing. I had take a difficult test, not the most difficult to come my way, but the anxiety behind that and work was putting me through the wringer a little be with deadlines and bureaucracy, in combination were all too much for the two weeks it happened in. So I am going to reward myself with mindfully and intentionally doing nothing. 

The art of doing nothing is not lazyness and/or I don’t have things that must be done (oh, because I do, I mean being an adult is saying things will slow down after this week until you die - Meme from the internet). When I was younger and would say, “estoy aburido” my mom would respond with, “pues pon te a limipiar.” This was not a bad thing, that is where I learned how to procrasta-clean, where you clean as a from of procrastination. Discursively, there is a sense that I should be doing something that doing nothing is a “bad” thing. Society has a way of shaming of doing nothing. 

So after my exam and these really stressful weeks I am going to do nothing. Nothing is a mindful and intentional state of mind where I am taking a day of self care, for me this consist of reading a new book that is for fun and not to further my knowledge in any particular area. Streaming the shows I want to watch, not in the escape reality sense (at least not this time) being aware of my thoughts and intentionally keeping them from taking over with a movement and breathe, talking to my plant, post on my blog, and meditation. 

I hope that as a people we can learn to appreciate what mental health advocacy and awareness has taught me from personal struggles. The art of slowing down and the art of doing nothing, because its something. 

P.S. I passed my test :]

Mindful Creativity

Lately I have been wanting to feel the sun and find some nature. There something about the sun that I like and need. When it comes to being present, the sun and nature can help us find “present moment” (defining what present moment means for me will be for another post). Being present with oneself can be a daily battle; and I need to be present in all aspects of my life be it, career, family, friends, and relationship. Most importantly to “be” in those spaces, I need to be present for me. Which lead me to a need for a peaceful hike (or rather, a labored walk).  I made sure to find the present-ness by breathing in the fresh air in this mountain meadow; practicing my photography skills, and knowing that what I was doing was connected to another interest of mine, technology (blogging), all while enjoying the sun. 

This is Benji the french bull dog, he is always ready for a snack and was slightly ready for this “hike”. He is not my dog but I do get to walk him from time to time, he likes to think he is walking me though. Benji and I can have had some real fulfilling conversations on our walks, so long as I pay his fee; belly rubs and doggie-treats.
Follow him on IG @biggiebenji

You can’t see me but I am squatting ;] (if you missed that, it was a camouflage joke)

I have been searching for a while on how to meld my interests in one spot, name it the taurus in me that wants to have comfort in creativity and no mess haha.
Having a present moment or present-ness doesn’t mean it’s Zen mode all the time; it means you can be mindful with your interests. Finding and having a creative outlet is a mindfulness and meditative practice in itself.

So, in addition to getting away from the city to help with being present for myself I realized I actually can use photography as a creative outlet, and part of my creative process. Moreover combining my interest with technology and mental health (which is kind of the ambition of this blog).  My photography skills are not amazing and my blogging is not consistent but that is the point of a creative outlet. When you’re searching for your creative outlet be mindful that the process is just as important, perfection doesn’t exist. 

Feel human

I meditate often, I can’t say daily because it’s not true (anymore) but for a year I can safely say that I meditated daily.  The benefits of meditation are vast and I started this habit in my life because I wasn’t feeling like myself, and I had been in grad school and figuring out my self while in grad school was a mission so I needed something to ground me. 

I found that at least 5 mins a day is the best way for me, so it doesn’t feel like a chore. However when I first started it was at least 10 minutes a day to even feel the effects of it. My longest meditation is 25 mins. 

"Meditation allowed me to be human when I didn’t feel I deserved it."

“Thoughts” (as in the actual thoughts that run through your head when you are just breathing and sitting) they are NORMAL and NATURAL. The kind of thought can be problematic. When I meditate, it’s not to change my thought(s) its to let my thoughts be just … thoughts. I found that it was following the “negative, dark, nervous, worrying” thoughts down a rabbit hole that got me into some dark places. 
Meditation allowed me to experience human-ness when I didn’t feel I deserved it. It was a break from my sadness, nervousness, low self-esteem, and I needed it, however short it can be. 

What apps I used and what kind of meditation I found most helpful will be another post.