Chutes and ladders — Noticing patterns

As the season is changing and we we fall back and hour, oh that sweet hour extra of sleep. Something has come to mind, I am thinking of the games chutes and ladders because within this year already I have noticed climbs to something more career wise also chutes because my own imposter syndrome and thoughts of inadequacy put me two to three steps back. However one thing I can notice is that with change I am learning to be more tolerant of them with the condition that the change is not a dramatic or a grave one. 

I learned in graduate school that an only constant in life is change. This rings true if we are in a stage of transition and our identity is in flux, depending on where and when we are. But, does it mean we will never find stability or comfort? And that is where my noticing of patterns comes along. I have a set of ways of being with certain groups of people and places (and combinations there of). So how do I notice a pattern of a chute vs a ladder. 

Chutes are set backs things that we do or are noticing that we are doing that seemingly set us back to habits that we don’t prefer and habits that bring out a side of us (well me) that we don’t like. Ladders are things, events, ways of being that can be called progress; they take work and motion to go up. Ladders or progress come with its own obstacles like as gravity or missed steps as progress in any form is not easy, but they are going somewhere. 

I have been trying to be really attentive to ways that I deal with a chute or set back. First is noticing what I am not doing and what I am doing less of. This can be eating more “junk food” than normal or eating less healthy, within reason because a burger at the right time and mental space, just hits different, (although fast food was staple in my childhood for reasons economically, but that discourse and deconstruction for another post). Another, is not wanting to hang out with people that make me feel “normal.” Also a big one is noticing that I am obsessing or checking something, be it health wise, money wise, email wise (dang technology is too everywhere too much, the irony of this blog’s existence). It’s an increase in those actions that should tell me that a chute is happening or will happen. Another is when I skip a couple days of meditation or when I am being flat emotionally, (*someone screams from the background* yeah, and irritable also). Those are some patterns that I track and that means that I need to do something to help me to a ladder again. 

A ladder is progress; and in my career it’s “climbing” something that feels like progress such as learning and more experience means I get paid more. It does comes with its gravity and missteps named and salient with feelings  and thoughts such as, “I don’t belong here, I don’t know anything, how am I going to help this person.” I am making note that I have to be more compassionate to myself and understand that there will always be a chute when I feel like I am climbing a ladder. I have to choose to enact patterns that will keep me closer to a ladder and deal with a chute. So which pattern do you choose for yourself when there is a chute to your ladder, the former or the latter? (LOL that was a pun, what if this whole post was just to use that pun.... okay it wasn’t but yeah, notice your patterns to cope with a chute, to keep your ladder!)