The business of not being all about the business - Mind your business.

I hesitate to post something like this because it might anger some people and I am cognizant of the discourses around the foundations of our country and the ideas of capitalism, being able to own a business might be a means to the American dream. Also if you are here to think less of me or not ambitious enough or just a general want to put me down; be kind to yourself, don’t be mad or upset, have some tea, breath for a minute. 

Being a 1st generation child from immigrant parents, this is a discourse, dream, idea, that was ingrained in me for years (probably my siblings as well), and its not lost upon me that this is something that many 1st generation children might come to know growing up; hard work means recognition and success. While I cannot speak for everyone I will speak about my experiences.

As a perspective shift, I need to make it my business to not be all about the business; I don’t want my worth to be defined by how hard I work and how much sacrifice I make, because there is more to my life than what I do as an employee. To complicate this more, I work in a field that can be very validating. However I think that I need more than one way to experience myself to be able to show up for myself at work. I am learning that some sacrifice and “hard-work” is necessary, this might be playing into the hard-work means recognition piece, but more profoundly its something that I do value. If I am working hard and I feel that my effort will be recognized because of it, yup, that it going to feel good and will most likely play into that AND I need to understand that this cannot be my only definition of validation even then it’s not going to come. Is this tolerance, am I again playing into the game of being an employee? Asking my sociological imagination it is catch-22, having a career for income, and a responsibility to take care of myself. 

Entering adulthood, to give a name to this transition I am experiencing. Corporate America is definitely something that is being slapped in my face it almost feels like there are more than one America!? (That was sarcasm, because there are many ways to experience our America). It was starting to feel like my worth was being defined by my motivation to keep working harder for something that I feel that I wasn’t being paid enough for... not being valued for? Let me explain, this idea that if I prove myself by working harder and making sacrifices and then be recognized by my job as a good worker and be rewarded is not always true but it can feel like it, which can make me hamster in a wheel. A natural idea for as in school we are validated when we get “good grades” and within my family, you’re the “good son or good cousin” if you’re doing well in school. But, to make my point, there are too many people doing the same thing; so my efforts while they may go far beyond my required duties as an employee are not going to be rewarded, and I need to accept that. I know that I am still going to give my 100% because being a diligent and dedicated worker is a discursive value. I also need to understand that its okay to only give what is required.

Part of this transition into adulthood being a 1st generation child, I already have experience in living in multiple cultural realities, I mean, I do describe myself as a multi-cultural fellow identity wise. Having the ability to notice another dominant idea at play is easily salient for me. I could talk about imposter syndrome and the experiences of social mobility, but that is a post for another time. I am building my identity as a “working adult” in this adulthood. I am also taking space and taking time to experience myself not just as a worker bee. Maybe thats traveling, maybe thats this post, maybe thats reading a science fiction novel just for fun. Its something that I am attaching meaning to. It’s as if I need to promise myself that I am going to do this, AND promise that I am not going to feel bad taking care of myself. Give new meaning to minding my own business ;]